7. Reasoning: Spontaneity! Freedom to follow a dream!

I’ve experienced this feeling of spontaneity in following a dream twice in 16 years. For me it happened in a ‘close the loop’ kind of way. Could it be just a coincidence?

There is an exceptional potter in Ottawa whose work is inspiring, creative, whimsical. Her painted clay works make the toughest critics smile. Her fans feel the need to take home her functional and decorative works of art. All her pots are one-of-a-kind marvels. Her creations are featured in books on pottery. Somehow she remains humble, gracious, and generous in sharing her talent and her expertize. I know this for a fact because in a naive and spontaneous move I registered for her master class on making teapots TWICE – sixteen years apart.

In my defence I must say that I read an ad that said Chandler Swain was offering a pottery class and no experience was needed. I missed the bit about it being a master class in hand-built teapots. TWICE!

I’ve always been fascinated by pottery in its artistic and functional capacity. It’s quite likely one of the most ancient of art forms and one that developed simultaneously worldwide. It has existed for thousands of years. It often tells the history of its makers and users. From a very simplistic point of view, pottery is derived from the earth that is tied to human existence. How could I resist the opportunity to experience this process first hand?

Sixteen years ago, on my first day in class with a handful of gracious experienced potters, I got a call offering me a job. The caveat was that I had to start right away. I needed the job so I accepted with my own caveat that I had a prior commitment one morning each week for 5 weeks. A couple of weeks into the job my supervisor, very hesitantly, asked me why I was somewhat ‘dusty’ on the days when I came in late. Clay has that quality.

Sixteen years later I decided to retire from that very same job. Two weeks prior to retirement I saw an ad for a pottery class with my favourite potter. I’m still fascinated by pottery. I haven’t had the opportunity to try my hand at it in the last sixteen years. I still don’t read details very well. So, of course, I registered once again. Once again I found myself with a handful of experienced potters and the most incredible teacher imaginable.

A strange coincidence! Perhaps it is simple coincidence that I saw that ad and that Chandler, who rarely teaches these classes and has been busy with other things, decided to do a one-day workshop . For me this coincidence closed a loop. My sixteen year work journey started and ended with a dream come true – the chance to experience the wonder of a fascinating ancient process.

A dear person wrote to me that retirement is a time for freedom, spontaneity and unbridled curiosity. She is absolutely right. I’ve been fortunate to enjoy my work experience serving First Nations communities. Now I’m looking forward to the wonders in the next part of my journey. And, I will admit that I don’t believe in meaningless coincidence. There is something significant in starting and ending an important segment of my journey with those pottery classes. I just have to discover what it means to me.

In wonderment, Venetia.

6. Reasoning – Get Going While the Going’s Still Good!

Alert : This reflection has morbid moments.

I hear comments like ‘There’s no point in starting this as I doubt that I’ll live to see it through’ or ‘I only have a few years left’ or ‘The end is closer than the beginning’. Sadly, for some dear people these predictions have come true. Keeping all that in mind, I still can’t look upon what lies ahead as the beginning of the end but rather as a new phase with so much to look forward to.

I received the sacrament of Extreme Unction when I was nineteen. That was in the seventies when, for most Catholics, it was a final blessing that meant that I was deemed ready to check out of this world. The medical professionals had given up on me. It was my amazing, Catholic mother who decided that she wasn’t ready to hand me over to whatever comes next without a fight. With her determination and dedication and a dollop of luck, I’m still here so many years later.

I bring up that old story because I’ve heard time and again that unless I prepare for a fulfilling and planned retirement I could find myself just biding time till the end is upon me. I can’t accept that notion because I don’t have to be 69 to anticipate the end. It could happen at any age – like 19, for instance.

I’ve decided to embrace this stage of life as completely as possible. I’m making changes and taking chances that I was hesitant to try before. There is a lot to be said for an age when other people’s opinions of you are not nearly as earth shaking as they used to be. I recognize that there are certain limitations that come with advanced years but they don’t have to be insurmountable. Rather than marking time till I die I prefer to get going with so much that I’ve put on hold because, for me, the going is definitely still good.

My first step in the process was to stop dyeing my hair. I’ve stopped wearing high-heeled shoes, except when it suits me to do so. I’ve added vibrant colours to my shades of black-white-gray wardrobe. I’ve decided on bright lipstick and sparkly eyeliner. I’m enjoying wearing my chunky, creative jewelry to go to the grocery store and not just for special outings.

The strangest thing has happened – I feel more energetic and vibrant in spite of the gray hair , the flat shoes, the wrinkles – – – – . Moving forward, I would like my role to be that of classy elder who is thoroughly enjoying the stage she’s at. I believe the going can be good at any st(age).

Always optimistic,


5. Reasoning – Grand and Green

Since I started writing down some of the thoughts that preoccupy me I’ve become more conscious of my actions. The other day I found myself diving into the kitchen garbage container and re-sorting the contents! It’s a weird thing to admit to but these days shame is not nearly as motivating as maintaining a less polluted, greener planet.

I believe I am influenced by hearing one passionate teenager’s appeal to all earthlings to pay attention to the consequences of our actions. Greta Thunberg’s suggestions make sense to me. I may not be able to follow her example in every way but small commitments can make a difference.

I want to jump on Greta’s band wagon but I find it challenging. I like to think that I Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. The truth is that I only do what’s convenient. I try not to buy things on impulse – things that I don’t need or that are similar to what I already have. However, I still find a good bargain irresistible.

I try not to be bothered if the material elements in my life don’t meet fashionable standards. I convince myself that I’m succeeding to some extent but if I’m completely honest, I have a long way to go. I still care too much about being well put together and will acquire a new scarf because none of the dozens in my closet are exactly the right shade of green. I will make a purely frippery purchase just because it will make the dinner table look good and add to the ambience of the evening. Also, I must admit, often my purchases aren’t environmentally friendly. That’s pitiful considering my desire to make conscious ‘green’ choices. And that leads to the other troublesome topic of all the unnecessary packaging that accompanies my purchases. Packaging that will take an unimaginable number of years to biodegrade.

Right now, I’m simply focusing on the small, immediate ways to consider reducing, reusing, recycling. I haven’t touched on the big things like travel and elaborate entertainments, or things that make a huge impact on conservation of water and energy, or things that destroy plants and animals. None of these notions is new. I’ve been aware of  all this for years but it’s taken young Greta’s brave action to make me pay attention. I hope my tiny steps will make a difference.

I plan to make a deliberate effort to: – reduce my acquisitions, – to reuse and re-purpose all that I have already acquired, – to carefully sort and recycle all that I must discard.

Initially I thought I would reach out to Grandmas and Grandpas to make some lifestyle changes but why not include Grandchildren and Great-Grandchildren? Every one of us fits into one of the “Grand” categories. Every one of us can make a difference. Every one of us should make a commitment. Every little step counts.

Hoping every human can commit to embracing a Grand-and-Green lifestyle – one wee step at a time,


4. Retirement – The universe works in mysterious ways

While pondering the concern uppermost in my mind I slipped and broke a rib. This created an immediate and forced stop to physical activity while my mind could now work double time.

How does one deal with or prepare for the possibility of diminished physical capacity in retirement? The majority of retirees are usually not young. The reality of physical limitations should probably be addressed. In my current state, I’ve found that while I can’t cough, sneeze or laugh with ease I can plunge wholeheartedly into those books that are piling up on my shelves. I can pry open the pristine packaging on those LPs and CDs and enjoy them for hours on end. An aside: with a broken rib you may not be able to boogie to the music but gentle swaying as absolutely OK.

As my kind and caring doctor gently suggested – “at your age” recovery could take six to eight weeks or longer. That’s a daunting thought for the likes of me. The very thought of slowing down because of a little pain is – well, it’s unthinkable. My doctor’s advice on how to manage my pain and encourage healing was corroborated by the crew of super-hero health professionals that I’m blessed to have as colleagues. I’ve received equal parts of advice and nagging so I’m well on the way to recovery.

What this has taught me is that ( if the physical setback is not too severe ) : 1. You can walk and dance with care or maybe a cane – 2. You can venture outdoors – just not in freezing rain – 3. You can cook and clean – just ask for assistance as needed – 4. You can read, write, paint, sew – just create supports for your neck or knees or back or hips etc. etc. – 5. You can meditate and exercise gently while seated or even lying down.

Diminished capacity in retirement doesn’t have to be depressing or scary. I’ve had a preview and I know it can be just fine with all the assistance provided by family, friends, and medication.

Very optimistic,  Venetia.

P.S. I’m told that bone density scans are advisable for people of my vintage.

3. Retirement – To commute or not to commute

I have the good fortune of living in the country and on this bitterly cold Canadian winter morning I  look out and see  the most beautiful sight. The snow frosted trees, the pristine snow covered landscape broken only by the footprints of a deer or two, the snow topped roofs of the houses in the distance with the early morning lights twinkling in the windows, the large snowflakes drifting down !!!!!

All I can focus on is my commute to work. The wintery conditions will double my time on the road. Sadly, I’m right. It was a typical winter commute. My drive in was long and arduous but nowhere near as miserable as my drive home in the evening. I focused on taking deep breaths. I tried to consider it a Zen experience teaching me to calm my nerves. The last straw was when my good companion CBC radio got on my nerves and I had to resort to silence.

A definite “pro” for retirement – I won’t miss the daily commute. My drive to work should only take 35 minutes as it does on weekends and off-peak hours. However, rush hour traffic easily doubles or triples that time in good or bad weather. I’m glad I have a definite date for retirement in mind.

But if I retire, can I handle the lack of workplace routine? The feeling of making a difference? The special brand of camaraderie to which I have grown accustomed? Doesn’t all that compensate for the traffic troubles and the early mornings? Workplace validation is a definite “con” against retirement. After all, it isn’t every day that we have horrible weather or crazy traffic.

It’s that quandary again. I’ve grown accustomed to committing wholeheartedly to  my work and enjoy overcoming challenges and creating positive outcomes. It’s been a quantifiable give and take, effort and reward, challenge and victory. I’m trying to visualize life in retirement without this gratifying sensation.

However, I don’t want to replace my current work environment with a similar alternate. I’m told by my retired friends that volunteer work is rewarding and requires commitment and becomes pretty much ‘a job’. I want retirement to be different. I want validation for my existence but without being involved in routine commitments. I can dream, can’t I?

Is my retirement dream possible? I realize I don’t want a repeat or continuation of my past. I want my move forward to be productive but not driven. I want to slow down without stopping altogether. I want to consciously take time to smell the roses. That should be validation enough. It will be an adjustment.

Still confused but seeing some of the fog drift away.


1. Retirement Thoughts…

This isn’t about answers and solutions. It’s all about questions. Questions that keep me awake at night pondering the pros and cons of retirement and the ‘what ifs’ beyond. And with that came the realization that I’m not alone!

When I announced that I had set a date for retirement I got an abundance of enthusiastic high fives along with wishes galore for Good Luck, Good Health, and Happiness from family, friends and colleagues.  So why can’t I sleep easy? Why the questions without answers? Why the feeling of relief when the pension advisor said “It’s not carved in stone. You can change your mind”?

I’ve discovered I’m not alone in my uncertainty. While some have eased into retirement joyfully, others have struggled. Some have gone back to work, some have developed health problems – mostly depression, some have aged visibly, others complain endlessly and deeply regret the decision to retire. It’s this second group that I would prefer not to join.

Certainly, at this stage of life, when the world isn’t my oyster, I am facing limitations – physical, financial, societal – that bring restrictions. BUT – limitations and restrictions of age related issues aside, the world can be my oyster!!! I simply have to find the ways and means available to people like me.

So let’s see where I am with the pre-retirement good wishes:

1. I loved the “high fives” that accompanied my announcement. 

2. The “good luck” has already come in handy with all the paperwork involved in this process, filling out govt. forms, dealing with work related issues. The list goes on.

3. The “good health” – Yes – I’ve got a tentative plan of action. I will walk and dance my way forward. I will read and do puzzles. I will eat well and, most of the time, wisely. I’ve made a head-start on the healthy lifestyle by walking a part of the Camino de Santiago. I must share more about that. It’s a wonderful, pre-retirement meditative experience.

4. “Happiness” – What’s that for me? More time with family and friends – can’t wait. More travel – will I be able to afford it? More time for hobbies/activities on hold – will I have the physical ability to pursue them?

So many questions! My plan to prepare for retirement, or perhaps to reconsider, is to ponder my questions one at a time. I plan to look at pros, cons, and beyond. I would like to bring my reflections to you in the hope that you will indulge my thinking-out-loud and perhaps share your thoughts and wisdom with me.

In a state of confusion and anticipation, Venetia.

2. Retirement – Selfishness

It’s bred in the bone – don’t be selfish, put others before yourself, you will reap the rewards  of your actions. How? When? Does it matter?

I was 15 when I first came across Ayn Rand’s notion that selfishness is not all bad and selflessness is not all good. It was a wonderfully disconcerting idea to present to my parents. They were trying to raise a child to be a good human being and selflessness was a requirement. Fifty years later I truly believe that it’s possible to be selfish and good at the same time.

I’ve spent most of my life trying hard not to be selfish and sometimes I wasn’t happy being selfless. Sometimes I volunteered grumpily because I couldn’t permit myself to back out of a commitment even when it was quite understandable to do so. And I found fault with myself for what I considered my bad attitude. It’s bred in the bone after all – put on a happy face no matter what and do what’s expected.

Looking back can be enlightening but helps very little with the decisions I must make now. I find that close study of my current situation is more pertinent to planning my retirement. It is now not a philosophical exercise of whether self-interest is the equivalent of selfishness. It is now a matter of just how self-focused I want to be in deciding what’s good for my future, on my terms. I don’t want to exchange one set of pre-arranged regulations for another. I truly want to experience and understand “Freedom 55 or 65 or 70”! For me it’s going to be “Freedom 69”!

I’m still trying to figure out what freedom means to me.  Will I quit a job that pays me to work with great colleagues? Will I replace it with hours of work around the house that definitely needs doing and has been put on hold – you know, the unpaid variety? Will I be quite selfish and indulge in all the interests that I’ve put on hold for so long? Will I only do the chores in my left over time, rather than the other way around? If I don’t choose my own path forward there’s only one person to blame.

I’ve set a date for my retirement. It’s a significant one for me – May 02, 2019. It will be exactly 50 years since I met my husband. It seems appropriate to make another life altering decision on the anniversary of that date! After all it’s a decision that will affect my partner as well. I could potentially be around at least 8 extra hours EVERY day. Can we both be selfish and indulge in self-care while caring for each other?  That is not  bred in the bone but needs consideration and partnership. I think it can be done.